Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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