If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
His nipple licking is glorious
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