you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
