I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
