I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just had sex on a roof
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
