At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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