I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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