you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
