I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
