This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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