alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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