Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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