my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
