we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
