how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
