I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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