walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
