Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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