Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
