Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
