i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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