Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
