i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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