Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
