I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
