I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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