I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
