i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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