I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
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I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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