my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
