i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
