i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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