This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
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You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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