see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
