Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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