he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
