google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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