I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
