he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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