You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
