i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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