dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
