I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
