I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize