worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Randomize
