I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
zippers are such a cool invention
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
