i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
