Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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