areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize