she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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