i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
