you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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