This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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