I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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