so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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