well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
