I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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