He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
