I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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