I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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