i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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