you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And then my night got REAL pukey
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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