How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
