Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
