Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize