There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
