ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
