my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
