I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
be right there i have to get my cape
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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