Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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