we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
